Tales of the Parodyverse

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Neil
Sat Apr 10, 2004 at 03:05:55 am EDT
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Because You Demanded It - the Prelude to a GoldenEyed/Hunter Victorious Team-Up Story!
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Prelude to a joint Bry/Neil story - the Team-Up of the Century!...err...of the Year...okay, of the Last Month, then? Week, maybe?



Goldeneyed followed the ice cube as it rattled around his glass. The rye and coke splashed gently as he tipped it from side to side. His eyes glowed intensely as his face contorted with concentration.

"I know you have one".

Hunter Victorious scratched his goatee and his eyes narrowed. He twitched his hand slightly to knock the ashes from his joint, ashes which dematerialised before they hit the floor. His jaw tightened.

"Sorry, I already told you the answer."

GEyed - Bry Katz - frowned with disagreement. "I saw you do that hand thing."

HV - one Stephen Bloom - mocked astonishment. "What hand thing?"

"That hand thing you do, when you change the cards." Bry was growing annoyed. The intensity of his eyes began to waver. "You pretend to be ashing, but you're actually transforming the face of the cards! You've been doing it all night."

Stephen threw his cards down. "Like hell I have!"

"But I know you have an 8! You just asked me if had an 8."

"Uhhh..."

Stephen threw his cards into the air, raw energy crackling as they shot upward. Bry barely had time to turn his head upward as the cards joined, expanded, and transformed into a killer whale. And as quickly as the whale appeared, its several tonnes crashed on top of him. The couch exploded in a cloud of so much dust and wood shards, and the wall cracked dramatically under its weight.

Stephen smiled as he lit up. "Like I said: 'Go Fish'."

Bry's sucker-punch knocked Stephen off his chair and on to the ground. "Were you tryingto kill me? Besides, that's not even a fish."

"Yeah, but a really big guppy wouldn't have had the same comedic effect. Besides, I knew that you'd 'port out of the way in time." Stephen rubbed the quickly purpling welt on his cheek. "Damn, you really have to remember that I don't have your Class 2 strength."

"Class 3, at least." GEyed offered him a hand up. "And you're supposed to be able to anticipate these things, aren't you? Don't you have some sort've awesome and ambiguous everything-power that makes you a pain in the ass to write?"

"There you go with the whole breaking-down-the-fourth-wall stuff. That's soooo tired." Stephen let himself be pulled up. He brushed the sawdust off his coat and cleared his throat.

Bry crossed his arms as he looked at the wall of Frog-Man's loft - the wall with an unconscious 5 tonne killer whale lying against it. The crack continued to expand and the wall groaned under the stress. "And you tell me that I break walls? You only had to say that you have an 8."

Stephen took a puff. He snapped his fingers and the whale disappeared. "Well I would have...if I had an 8."

"Don't even think of trying that aga-"

"Try what?"

Bry sighed. "Years spent in limbo, and this is what you call your big come-back? A whale and thousands of dollars in structural damage?"

"It's...a work in progress." Stephen concentrated on the wall, but it only groaned more loudly as it flexed and bent. "But I think that the general public will warm to it. To me. To my new hold on my powers. I just have to get my face back out there."

Bry walked toward the cabinets in Frog-Man's kitchen and grabbed a new glass. "Riiight. Because it's this kind of crap that'll really endear you to the people."

Stephen leaned his forehead against a window and looked out on Parodiopolis. It had been more than a year since he last fought in the streets below, since his mysterious and unexplained disappearance in battle with a group of musically inclined villains. He needed to find the answers...but he wasn't sure that he even knew the questions. Something told him that Bry could help...why else would he bother participating in this story?

Stephen turned toward Bry. "That's why I need you, GEyed."

Bry put his drink down. "Me? I'm the anti-social, brooding type. How's that help?"

Stephen began walking toward him. "Well, you want to get back out there too, right? Orchestrate some heroics, scribe some new adventures? It's a mutually beneficial operation. Like one of them old-style team ups. Spiderman and Wolverine! Captain America and Wolverine! Deadpool and...and Wolverine!"

"Or Jeff Daniels and Jim Carrey."

"And Wolverine!" Stephen slapped him across the back. "Now you got it! So what do you say? Partners?" He extended his hand.

"God, I'm going to regret this, aren't I?" Bry shook his hand. "All aboard this crazy train, then. Next stop, the adoring masses of the general public."



"Adoring masses of the general public", Bry? More like the Unclean Masses of the very a certain General Public! To be continued at the end of the month...uh, probably...


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